Phillip Bradshaw, senior search consultant at bFirst (SEO)

I got one of those annoying automated emails the other day from an SEO firm. Normally I would just delete it and get on with what I am doing. But that day I had a little bit of spare time on my hands. Here is the email:-

Phillip Bradshaw wrote:
Hi
My name is Phillip Bradshaw, senior search consultant at bFirst. Excuse the unusual approach, however I am writing to inform you that I recently visited your website, www.ni-photos.jmcwd.com, during a routine survey of web sites which may be capable of higher search engine performance resulting in an increase in online sales. I hope this information may be of use to you, if not then I apologise for any inconvenience caused.
I took the liberty to do some research on your website, and uncovered some interesting points. This may interest you, since it appears that you are trying to gain new business through your website.
From my initial observations, your site is probably underperforming in the major search engines - Google, Yahoo, and Bing (formerly MSN). When searching on a topic, most people don’t look past the first page of search results. I struggled to find you in the first couple of pages, meaning that you could be losing a significant amount of business.
After checking the search engines, I ran a back-link check on your site. Back-links are the number of times your site is linked through another website. Your website has 43 back-links, meaning low search results. Back-links also help build your site’s Google Pagerank score. Right now your site has a Google Pagerank score of 0/10, which is probably one of the main reasons why your site isn’t showing up in the first page of the search results.
The final aspect I noticed about your site was page indexing. The more pages your site has indexed with unique keywords, the higher you will rank. Right now, your site has only 0 pages indexed by Google, which is quite low. This can be down to many reasons which our service can help resolve.

So, here’s a recap of my findings on your site:

- Your Google Pagerank is 0/10
- You have 43 back-links
- Your website has 0 pages indexed

I’m going somewhere with all this... I wanted to do my homework and research your website because it’s my business. We are in the business of doing three things for your website:
1) Fixing all issues with your website
2) Ranking your site to the top of the search results, and
2) Blowing your online revenue off the charts.
What we do is simple: we correct every single issue with your website that effects how the search engines perceive you, then put you on the first page of search results in all the major search engines by working on your site month on month. It’s a no-nonsense approach that cuts through marketing fluff to the core of what gets a site to the top. We know what that is. We know how to do it.
The reason why I’m so confident about that is because we have done it before . Our clients are happy: Dubai Properties, Gravel, Health Store, Van Hire, Fire Extinguishers, Coffee Machines, Swimwear, Limo Hire and more - all are on the first page of search results. We put them there. We’re so confident that we’ll put you on the first page that we will refund your money if we don’t achieve what we promise.

With pricing starting from as little as £40 per keyphrase per month your website is too important to let it go to waste, especially when UK online sales were up by 30% to £59.8 Billion compared to last year. I’d love to be able to discuss this in more detail. If you are genuinely serious about improving your online revenues, please reply to this e-mail with the keyphrases that you want to rank under or give me a call (01524 888880, option 1) and we’ll talk.

Kind regards,
Phillip Bradshaw

Senior Search Consultant

Here is my reply:-

mmmm...

In fact, probably the main reason it is not showing up in the first page of the results is that there is a 301 REDIRECT in place to the new site - irishviews.com (and there has been for about 8 months now!).

So I wish you good luck in making ni-photos.jmcwd.com rank well in the search results!

NB - "Zero pages" is indeed quite a low number. Thanks for pointing that out!

Philip, I am going somewhere with this.....

If you are going to send me spam, please at least do a rudimentary check before sending it out!

Also, can I ask, how did you get my email address?

Thanks.

Now I am only having a bit of fun, I know that Philip Bradshaw is a human being and was probably not the person responsible for the email being sent anyway - so Philip, if you did read my reply and think I am being a bit cruel, then don't take it to heart... :-)


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